Is it possible to be in love with some one I have never met this much? Because darling, whoever you are; I adore you.
And we shall be one with God eternally.
You know, I’m scared. All the time. Like, I can’t even completely confront someone at work to tell them that they need to stop doing whatever or I’ll have to remove them. (I’m a security guard) And I know what you’re thinking. Oh that’s gotta mean you look like Paul blart! No, I’m a scrawny, dust in the wind 20 year old who is terrified of the dark.
But what does that have to do with anything.
Well spiritually we all have our fear of the dark, but… There comes a point when in our faith we have to let our faith overcome our fear. We have to understand that Gods love isn’t about a warm tingly feeling in your chest during worship or a good sermon. It’s about you Father teaching you to trust Him, even if it means falling down a few times. It’s about an overwhelming protective set of hands constantly shielding us but never being completely shut. See we still have to be able to see the world to invite it into the shelter in which we take our refuge.
The bible says over 365 times not to fear but to trust in the love of God! Thats a command brothers and sisters! All you have to do is let the courage of Christ be where you stand when you’re afraid. Because the monsters may be at your door, but your Heavenly Father scares them away.
I’m the kind I person who is dedicated to whatever I set my heart to. And to God above all else. I believe that people have been gifted with talents, stories, ideas, that are meant to be done, told, and said. There is a beauty to the human description of God that in it’s incompleteness is completed by the grace of God showering us with these gifts. And the fact that in our imperfections we do the best we can to personify that Grace, is the way we all ought to seek to understand. Life is and always will be the greatest love story ever told from billions of different perspectives.
My father never told me about how his father never told him how he loved him more than his sanity, cause see his father died when he was only twelve or thirteen and he never really understood how kids need affection like its nicotine, cause alcohol and cigarettes need direction to feed addiction so it can run your life and keep you off your feet, my father knows more about that than i know that the pain I feel now is because I never knew it was his love I would need. and it seems like strange fiction once you reach a certain point, it never seems that anyone says what they really mean. They never be rather than seem.
So why do I seem to cling to these things that tear me open from the inside so everyone can see.
I’m a broken mess and I don’t know what Christ see’s in me.
But He handles it so perfectly
Abolishing pain in my heart so that my sore bones are numb to me.
So that I make walk with Him eternally.
That’s why I learned to let go of my love for people and learned to love Christ so that my love for human beings turned into a love of life.
And now I live satisfied knowing I can share this till my dying day
That Christ has saved me, and through His love He has made a way
Ever feel like really down for no reason at all and your like, ” the crap is wrong with me?!” Seriously your souls feels like a tortilla wrapped in suck?
Yeah. That’s been lately for me and I kept asking God what was going on!
And it’s one of those special moments, you know the admittedly annoying still small moments you’d heavily prefer to be a big neon sky written message in the clouds saying “Child, do this thing!” And you just don’t get that. It’s more like a really subtle tiny pencil written sign being carried by an ant in the grass and your like, “Oh come on, God! I can’t read that!”
All joking aside that is how it feels sometimes.
You think to yourself, ” what am I supposed to do? Where do I go?” Why do I feel this way?”
This is when I realized I’m asking my self the wrong questions. You see grace has a funny way of being misunderstood. Often when we are feeling down it is because God is standing right and front of us and we are busy staring at the ground or bowing with our eyes shut. God wants you to look at Him, (metaphorically.)
I’ve found that grace is one of those things I am really bad at paying attention to. The definition of grace is that people who do terrible things that ought not to be forgiven are indeed forgiven. I.e. hitler, not out of the reach of grace.
How does that make you feel? That someone like Hitler could have received Gods love and been made clean? Well it’s the truth. In the book of Romans in chapter 8 it says “there is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus.” Later on it says “for all who call upon the name of The Lord WILL be saved.” These things are important to our sour feelings.
You see we think redemption stops after the sinners prayer that it’s done from there and while yes you are eternally in the arms of God, you are now the clay in His hands and He will reshape you for your whole life in accordance to his will. When we feel down for no reason it could be for an infinite number of other reasons. Maybe you really are just in a slump, or maybe. God is telling you some thing and you’re still staring at the ground.
Ask your self this, what does Grace look like in your life and are you portraying that gospel in your own life? God wants us to participants in His perfection so we have to actually participate. It’s like wanting to go out to dinner but when you get there you don’t eat anything. There is a reason Jesus calls Himself the bread of life.
Then it’s a matter of being fulfilled on the right things.
“Just as the sunlight meets no obstacle in the body of the air to stop it from passing through and penetrating it without breaking it up or splitting it, but fills entirely: so I thought that you permeate not only the body of heaven and air and sea but even the smallest things, this physical frame is open to receive Your presence, so that by a secret breath of life You govern all things in which You created both inwardly and outwardly.”
“But You had not yet lightened my darkness.”
St Augustine’ confessions.